aww... first off, we have to all go hug libby...she has tetnus and is awful sick. -hugs the girl-

I'm a cutter.
I'm a loser.
I'm a rocker.
I'm a cheater.
I'm a dreamer.
I'm a poet.
I'm very special and you know it.


  ¶ 10:38 AM 0 Comments

  this is getting old... Dwayne: you called me babes

-has weird Deja Vu of how this amazes guys-  ¶ 11:35 AM 0 Comments

  I know you're out there....somwhere out there... Today I can't really wonder. I can't really feel. It's like I have a new blank slate to color but I don't have the pastels..the charcoal..or the paint to do so.

Maybe it's the Nirvana. Maybe it's the guys in my life. Maybe I'm just sick. Maybe i'm too stressed.

Whatever it is. It's killing me today.  ¶ 8:48 AM 0 Comments

  Funeral for Everyone's Friend

x.x Today I attended my great aunt's funeral. Dorothy Kipp. Aunt Dot was someone I hadn't the pleasure of getting to know, but from the tales we'd have gotten along quite well.

Dot was my Gran's oldest sister, whom my Gran had never spoken well of but my Aunt Dot supposively spoke of her (my Gran) as if she was an angel. My mom assumes this was a sibling jealousy thing; she said they always argued when they were together.

There were only 10 family members in attendance; neither of her sons were there. (One in prison and hates her, the other disowned us all.) But it was a nice affair over all. I haven't really focused on death itself, which is something I was afraid I'd do. The reason i tried to get out of the whole thing. I suppose I just deal badly with death when I face my own mortality or that of a close friend's.

Before going completely off the first subject, and onto myself, I'd like to explain this post's title, Funeral for Everyone's Friend. On Aunt Dot's headstone it reads "Everyone's Friend." Which is what everyone who knew her would agree she was. { R.I.P } x.x

I tried calling Emilie earlier. No response. Guess it didn't matter, Natalie wanted the phone and was perfectly willing to fight for it.

My baby

is in my lap right now.Trying to eat my hands and rubber bracelet. o.0 -hugs her Ginges before she runs away to eat moms food instead of Jen's hands-

It feels nice to be home. ^_^ For once. Sitting around in a wrinkled T-shirt, jeans, and my hair pulled back. It's the perfect tempature in here and I have a Dr. Pepper -knows Jason is JEALOUS.-

If anything I feel I should be far away right now. In some foreign country, sipping tee and hiding away in some classic styled house. It wouldn't make much sense for me to be there but that's where I want to be. Alone. Free. Why am I writing this?

While I am thinking about it, I'd like to make it known how great, in fact FANTASTIC, Emilie's VISUAL support is. Since she plugged mine and all. o.O

I need someone with PHP knowledge to help me on some stuff. Email me.

xoxoxo Jen
  ¶ 6:25 PM 0 Comments

  Jason: jennie, would u kill me if i told u i like mandy?
Me: yes
Jason: k, just wondering
Me: I would bludgen you to death with your keyboard
Jason: lol
Me: then I might go after her with your mouse
Jason: y go after her?
Me: she annoys me
Jason: but y
Me: Jason
Jason: yes jennie
Me: pick a word
Me: un nice one
Me: that starts with a b
Me: and thats my opinion of her
Jason: rhymes w/nitch?
Me: you got it babes.
Jason: or witch?
Me: yes jason
Jason: awwwww, u called me babes
Jason: :-)
Me: totally distracted you
Me: like OH SHINY OBJECT
Me: o.0
Me: lol
Jason: huh?
Jason: what totally distracted me?
Me: the fact I called you babes
Me: lol
Jason: u didn't distract me
Jason: u think mandy's a b*tch
Me: see. I knew you could rhyme correctly.
  ¶ 1:21 PM 1 Comments

  and as I stared I counted the webs from all the spiders catching things and eating their insides
like indecision to call you
and hear your voice of treason
will you come home and stop this pain tonight?
stop this pain tonight... - blink 182, "I miss you"

So, today I am very...out of touch with some part of this fragile reality. It started after I voice chatted with Sid, but personally I think it really started yesterday afternoon.

I've really tried to be grown up about some things but darned, I'm 14 years old. Granted I turn 15 in October but still..I shouldn't have to feel like this or deal with things like this. Yet, whom should I blame but myself? I'm always, well think, that I'm ready. When in reality; I have no more business pursuing some things than I'd have to kill some one. I'm basically killing myself here. Slowly; over time. Time after time again I do something that hurts myself. More than anything else ever did.

Well, I voice chatted with Siddharth a bit earlier. -snickers- What an accent.
- snickers even more-
It was bad, I'm sorry but I wanted to laugh sooooo bad. I know you're ganna read this, Sid, so understand I'm making fun of the thick Indian accent and not you, k? Gaawwwwd. And he said mine was rather southern but this is coming from someone who's accent makes half his words blend into a "huiewqiouo;'quibiwyibdyebwjvdjw". o.0 hahaha. I'm sorry, Sid. I think if he talked louder and slower it would have been ok.

I couldn't much talk because I was scared of waking Natalie up. And really I lost all the will to talk about a minute after we started. Natalie did wake up right when Sid was leaving. Dunno if he could hear her but she was trying to tell me I shouldn't be voice chatting, on the internet so early, etc etc etc. I think I'm going to ask her WHEN DID SHE GIVE BIRTH TO ME?! When did she become MY MOTHER. Stupid brat. I LOVE YOU NAT-A-LIE!

I still have the cough but I think I'm basically over walking pheamonia. yay.

Yesterday, I called Dwayne (my online BF from Michigan, BTW) and we talked for a bit. Also had trouble making him out but he just wasn't talking loud enough. He was on earlier but I was trying to do something and missed saying bye...o.o...-feels kinda bad- He's 16 and has a 15 year old brother, whom answered the phone. Which was rather interesting because first Dwayne apparently didn't believe I was REALLY on the phone...his brother is a brat too...go figure...I could hear his brother screaming something like "IS SO!" across the house.

Then when Dwayne did get on the phone they had a little argument about how does he know that I'm hot since he's never seen me...
  ¶ 8:43 AM 0 Comments

  feel free to post a sign on my back that says...

KICK ME...
I'M A IDIOT.

So my blog wasn't working because I deleted half the html template. GO FIGURE.

For the past few days I have been moving SAFE's website. I volunteered for SAFE at the end of May and have done mainly web related things and gave my opinions and ideas. At Saving Antiquities For Everyone, we're commited to the preservation of cultural heritage and the stopping of looting of historical artifacts through public awareness.

In October we're having this big benefit in New York with John Russell, who was the Senior Advisor to the Cultural Ministry of the CPA in Iraq (yes, I copied and pasted that part.) So, they want me to do this video thing... We're doing a lot of simutaneous parties all over the world, hsoted by other members, but I can't do that...especially if it's my birthday weekend. I WILL have SOMETHING I at least want to do this year. They want me to talk about why I want to member of SAFE and about my love of hostoryu and any questions I have for Mr. Russell, etc etc.

WELL

1. Mom wants me to stop the SAFE thing. She thinks that this woman caling me is a bad thing and that me doing somethinf FOR FREE is a bad thing. AS OF NOW, I WOULD LIKE OT STATE: I refuse to un-join. But this would make video thing complicated to pull off...

2. I am SOCIAL PHOBIC and my problem is what people think about how I look, etc. I jus decided I would do a photo for the website....but..but..a video? -shrugs, then dies-

I really bring this all up because today Mrs. Cindy called about an e-mail I sent her because my crimson-light.net e-mail went down. Well, amid this conversation, on the other end of the house, my parents started fighting and cussing each other. AND THEM, BEING THEMSELVES, DID IT AS LOUD AS THEY COULD. They sounded like they were standing BEHIND me yelling at each other. Now, who wants to bet that the reason Cindy stopped talking mid sentence, right when my parents got their loudest and started using the "F" word, that she heard them? -dies, yet again-

I'm going to aplogize for anything she may have heard in the background today in my next e-mail.

Well, I am plugging CHRIS, who has been super nice and let me talk to him about this a bit and is a pretty good writer. Check out his Xanga, there. It's mainly writing, but it's good. Feel free to comment on it. Now...I stole the following from Kitty Kat's blog...

WORD ASSOCIATION
Slippers:: fuzzy
Hat::ball
Free:: webspace
Space:: out
Taste::vienna sausages
Good Charlotte:: rawking..
Red::blood
Deep:: blue sea
Heart:: cold
Cord:: string???
Cheese::food
Rain::dancing
Work:: web design
Pedal:: pusher
Head:: ache
Bed:: time
Fluff:: me
Hardcore::%ROCK%
Race:: horse
Knife:: labels???
Jump:: in' jacks

I....
am:: lonely and sad
want:: Omar or any friend to come online
need:: to get well!
crave:: food...chocolate cake in particular...but any food would do. AND MUSIC
hate:: waiting
did:: want to die
feel:: alone and sad
miss:: Omar... -sniffles-
am annoyed by:: the fact he has not been online in -counts fingers- 5, FIVE, days.
would rather:: be in Saudi Arabia
am tired of:: All this shit and my parents and my sister.
will always:: want to feel at home

SILLY STUFF
What is your favourite genre of music?:: tied between Metal, Classical, and Christian Rock
What time is it now?:: 8:32 pm
What day is it?:: Sunday, August 15th (I KNOW THE DATE --- WOHOOO!)
Whens the last time you called someone?:: Today. 3 hours ago. It was Emilie and she couldn't talk for she was watching a movie.
How much money do you have right now?:: I have a $75 check, 30 cents, and a bunch of uncounted change in a jar.
Are you hungry?:: Yes
Whatcha doin?:: Sitting here, ignoring the TV, wanting a friend.
Do you like parades?:: Yes. They make me feel so alone and thats just J O Y-FRICKIN-F U L.
Do you like the moon?:: I love the moon.
What are you going to do when youre done with this?:: Connect the internet back and post this.
Isnt cup a funny word when you repeat it over and over?:: Um...do you? -starts dialing 911-
If you could have any magical power what would it be?:: Mind reading
Have you ever had a picnic?:: Yea...kinda....
Did you ever have one of those skip-its when you were young?:: No. I finally played with one last year.
What about sock em boppers?:: Played with those when I was like 8...mom never bought things like this. I did get a umm...what the hell is that called...I dunno, it's round with 6 things coming off it all colored differant, and you ahve to switch it too the colors quick enough. It was what came out before the BOP IT...game...thing....
Are you wearing any socks right now?:: Nope. and I don't own that MANY.

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE
funny?:: Yes.
pretty?:: Well...
sarcastic?:: I am often VERY sarcastic.
lazy?:: I can be...
hyper?:: Possibly - sorry if I keep kitty's answers but damn they're what i'd say.
friendly?:: Yes. When I'm over my social phobia.
evil?:: Nah...only sometimes. Only when i'm pitted with a fellow of similar sarcastic ways. Or when I "plan" things with people.
smart?:: Yes, fairly. Sometimes I feel more stupid than smart.
strong?:: In ways
talented?:: I suppose...
dorky?:: Yes...LOL

FOR OR AGAINST
suicide:: -shakes head- I am very against, and if you ever feel the need to commit it IM me, jennieh89. I DO CARE.
love:: I suppose I'm FOR...
drunk drivers:: against
airplanes:: For
war:: I'm for JUST wars
canada:: I love me canada! I'm moving there one day!
united states:: We're going to hell in a hand basket.
rock music:: MY LIFE. Next to God.
gay marriage:: ---. No. Not for. But I suppose you can do what ever you like as long as you don't try to force me to think it's right.
school:: For.
surveys:: For.
parents:: for, although mine can go to hell with the united states at this point.
cars:: For. but I think we need electric cars.
killing:: For... if it's in self defense! Or some EVIL, EBIL person.
britney spears:: SHE CAN GO TO HELL WITH MY PARENTS.
coffee:: ewww....yucky. so AGAINST.
pants:: all for 'em. I only wear pants. I MEAN INSTEAD OF SKIRTS YOU SICK MINDED WEIRDOS. I WEAR TOPS!

WOULD YOU EVER
Sky dive?:: Hmmm...maaaaaaaaybeeeeee.
Play strip poker?:: Tehehehe...if I lost weight.
Run away?:: YES.
Curse at a teacher?:: Sure, if she, or he, pisses me off enough.
Not take a shower for a week?:: Yeah, but only under certain circumstances...
Ask someone out?:: Sure. If I got over my social phobia long enough.
Lie to someone to make them think better of you?:: I have and I will again!
Visit a foreign country for more than a month?:: Yea...why not. How about Canada?
Go scuba diving?:: Umm...not ont he top of my to do list.
Write a book?:: yes, attempting that currently.
Become a rockstar?:: Sure, why not? Me could rock out.
Have casual sex?:: No.

LAST QUESTIONS
What shampoo do you use?:: Frizz Ease or Herbal Essences
What kind of computer do you have?:: HP! HEWLETT PACKARD ALL THE WAY!
What grade are you in?:: almsot in the 9th...w00t.
Do you like to throw popcorn at people in the movies?:: Yes haha
Or just make out?:: Haven't had the chance
How many posters do you have in your room?:: One. A F-14 Tomcat BABY!
How many cds do you have?:: I dunno...alot.

Okie, byebye now.
I started writing this at 7:40...woot.
  ¶ 8:56 PM 1 Comments

  EbIL! very eBil....o.O Christopher: Well, off to work soon. Enjoy yourself. We'll chat tonight.
Jen: K
Jen: Have a fun day!
Jen: Smile at the customers!
Christopher: Your sarcasm is evil.
Christopher: Very evil.
Jen: The customers are always right!
Jen: LOL
Christopher: Pfft.
Christopher: I'd hit you with my pillow right now.
Christopher: but I'm too tired.
Jen: Aww, cheer up.
Jen: You won't die from work
Jen: Nor boredom
Christopher: Nah, I'll just fall asleep, forget to do a funeral order, and have half the black community on my ass.

(my blog has not been working...maybe it'll work now!)
  ¶ 8:22 AM 0 Comments

  Emilie Marie V. Just because she deserves an entire post devoted to her.

JeNnIeH89: want me to call? o.0
EmiliEMariE08: hehe. might be fun to see dad actually breathe fire.. he'd be like one of those rotund little cartoon characters that their ears get all red and big and smoke comes out hehehe. enjoying that image.

Ok, I wasn't going to blog tonight but I changed my mind. I have to respond to the following comment from Emilie, then I have to sob some....

.....If I have ever suffered or wanted for anything if I had to do that so I could have you in my life Jen, I would. I know that sounds incredibly gay but it's true. I think you're probably one of the few people I'm not friends with because I have to be. It's voluntary. I would rather have you as my only friend and no one else than have everyone else (ever) and not you. seriously. ...

I just want to know what I did to really deserve that? Being in the mood I am in, and have been in for the past few days, I think that I deserve anything in compensation for my life but I know that's not completely true. If anything, I at least don't deserve what she said. I don't deserve her to care that much and mean it. And I especially don't deserve to even know Emilie Marie V..
....
I'm trying to some up with something that can even half compete with that but I can't. So, I'm going to say that Em is the bestest friend I have ever had. She deserves the world and I wish I could give her that, or at least a book deal.

I love ya Em. Stay brunette and awesome. Feel free to Space all ya want. LOL.
  ¶ 1:00 AM 1 Comments

  None-the-less, I fall. - apart. empty. seeking solace in - the arms of another. (haiku) I'm listening to Ruby and Max on Nickalodean. I like this show. They have nice music...Cute bunnies...And only Ruby talks most the time and it's real slow so I can keep up.

Yes. I'm losing my mind. But you can't deny that it's just a cute show.

  ¶ 8:11 AM 1 Comments

  walking pneumonia That is what I have. I wonder if there's a secret irony in the fact we spent nearly 2 hours walking N'Orleans trying to find our hotel the weekend before last, only to come home and get sick. .............. x.X

  ¶ 2:22 AM 0 Comments

  I think my headphones are going out on my mp3 player...think its possible having them all the way up on the volume did something to them? More thinking. Yes, I am not at the doctor right now but my pants are washing...yes I didn't have pants. Now I could have gone to the doctor like that but......yeah.

I was thinking how Libby is a good friend. And how her comment was very correct. We go through all this shit to be better people. To be able to deal with future problems...I have a theory the problems will get worse, maybe less frequent, but harder to deal with.

I assume this means that I (small interuption - --cut this because I changed my opinion--) am going to face some tough shit in my life.

Yes, I cussed. But Libby did first!
  ¶ 9:21 AM 0 Comments

  I was standing in the shower this morning...thinking... I was standing in the shower this morning...thinking about something Emilie said. About how if we'd been neighbors she and Natalie would have been best friends and she and I would be enemies.

Thinking on this it would serve to think I would also be a happy, preppy cheerleader by now; i'd have also died my hair blonde instead of dark brown (which isn't far from my original shade, anyway.)

As this thought crossed my mind you can imagine that I, Jennie Harris, poet, anti-labels and people who fit them, Christian, was quite, quite disgusted with myself. Than again, my daddy would have never hit me to hard as a child and in fact, my mommy and daddy would still love each other. My daddy would own his own buisness dealing with Oil exports and mommy would be a happy homemaker.

Natalie would have directed her amazing talent of story telling (which she does have) onto paper. We'd all go to church on Sundays and Wednesdays and if possible everyday in between and be a happy, loving, Godly family.

Oh, and I'd be super skinny.

Where did my parents go wrong?
  ¶ 8:20 AM 1 Comments

  Hola New Layout. Can we say "w00t"?

I likes it. The photo is from Aaricia, it's entitled The Child is Gone. It's purdy, no? I finished a layout for Em's blog, if I don't decide I hate it. But I'm not ganna put it up until she gets back or I speak to her over the phone about it.

Emilie is gone to gulf port. Yay! *sarcasm* I know she may be upset by this later; I don't miss her (that much.) I mean, I do wish she was here, but I'm not totally, dreadfully alone like I could be (or like I was on my trip south.) Which reminds me, I opened a Xanga. It's for my poetry and "eloquent" prose. (My short shorts that sound like poetry in paragraphs.) Em opened her one, too, but I think she really just wanted to comment on Micah's blog.

Even though I am mildly upset by SP Quill's revision of my x.shh...a heartbeat.x I think I will submit to them again. Really, why shouldn't I? Just be sure to note that I request something stay Italic or Bold and I should be fine. Now that I have finally memorized the proper use of a semicolon I am using it where ever possible. Oh, and I'm listed on this page for my submission (under Quill Poetry). w00tness. I can't believe they published it for some reason. But they did and I think they will publish more of my stuff if I go for it.

Did I mention I was sick? I'm had something that started to get bad Thursday but it's better today. Mom has it too but here is has been worse and she went to the doctor for it. He last few days she's been as sick as I was yesterday but I didn't feel I had to go to the doctor. I have a good (young) immune system.

Little Women is on TV. The old version. Well I don't know if there is a "new" version but this is the black and white one with Katherine Hepburn in it. I think this is AMC...they've been showing her movies all day; I don't believe it's her birthday, they mentioned something about an anniversary this morning. (No, we have not been watching this ALL day. A few hours, on and off, we watched other things.)

Well, that's all I can think of...Ok, that's all I feel like typing right now. This is long enough. I think I'm going to go spell check Emilie's blog or something. She said she couldn't get it to work.

[addition @ 11:40 PM: My blog does this funny thing where it only shows my comments after a week and I republish something that has to change all my pages like my layout. o.0 So i just got Emilie's comment that called Metallica "posers". Yes. There is arkie butt to kick when she get's back from Mississippi. But I'll be gentle because she said I rocked... WOOHOOO!]

[addition @ 12:05 AM Aug 06: Micah's blog is called Weave of Madness. I thought I would share this. I was just like focusing on the slight irony/humor/wtfness I see in that.]
  ¶ 11:33 PM 0 Comments