GirlintheBox: None-the-less, I fall. - apart. empty. seeking solace in

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

None-the-less, I fall. - apart. empty. seeking solace in - the arms of another. (haiku) I'm listening to Ruby and Max on Nickalodean. I like this show. They have nice music...Cute bunnies...And only Ruby talks most the time and it's real slow so I can keep up.

Yes. I'm losing my mind. But you can't deny that it's just a cute show.

I'll change it to MTV2 or Fuse in a second. Wonder if Nirvana is on somewhere.

This show I so benign. And I don't even know what benign means.

Ok, so I'm in love with some guy; who lives in some foreign country; that the news isn't portraying well right now in the news; and he loves me. I'm going rather insane because I'm confronting other feelings I pushed aside and tried to shut off months and years ago and I'm sick and it's not mixing well. Emilie gets back sometime today, I think, but I don't know if I could really talk to her about any of this. I don't know that I wanna talk to her, or anyone else, vocally right now. Except maybe call this guy that I'm suppose to be in love with.

I say it like that because I could have made myself think I do. It would not be an uncommon thing for me to do to something such as this to myself emotionally, just to screw myself over in

the end.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Whenever I say "in the end" Linkin Park starts rolling through my head

non-challantly like an afternoon walk.

It's got pretty bad there for a while. My mom and I both being sick, that is. Because we were at each others throats constantly while she was at home and not at work or running errands. I couldn't do all the stuff I needed to do and she couldn't do it either because we were both sick. Of course I did as much as my stuff I could, probably spreading this damned croup to everyone else single handedly. But she had to bitch at someone and it was me. Yes, this bugs me so much I almost feel like crying. I didn't do anything but get sick. How should, how can, I be sorry for that? Why should I? It's not my fault. I didn't deserve her to threat me like that. I didn't do a damn thing but be born and be in her way. And who's fault is that? Mine? No. I didn't make the decision for her to marry and have sex with that sorry Son of a -----. Or, at least, a son of a bastard, because I don't blame my poor grandmother. I blame my grand father and those before him in that matter. They were all sorry. Every last damned one of 'em.

You can probably tell I'm a little bit in a mood; that I seem to be resenting the fact that no one loves me except my Chihuahua, Emilie and some dude in a foreign country. It really bugs me. Yes. But I work hard to make something better for myself, even if it's in my own little world in my head, and the people around me shoot it down in front of me. They ruin anything and everything that makes me happy. They honestly do. Whether or not they mean to, I don't know, but they do it none-the-less.

Quiet, Inner Rapture

by (I) Jennie Lee Harris

none-the-less, I fall.
apart. empty. seeking solace in
the arms of another.

[addition @ 8:58 AM - I feel kinda dead. Don't you?]

[addition @ 10:44 AM - I think I have a few more people who really love me. Just thought i'd note before I get a lecture from those people. You know who you are, you love me and I love you. I'm just ranting.]

[addition @ 5:40 PM - I love my dad, for the record. And I took out the first "b" word 'cause I don't care for it much.]

¶ 8:11 AM

Comments:

The chihuahua is cute so yeah, atleast your loved by someone cute. Do I have a point to this? Um no...

Anyway, cool layout. I like it. It's really nice.

I love Nickelodeon too! And nahhh you're not out of your mind. You're sane. Trust me, I know crazy people!!

Hmmm well... uhh may the green be with you and stuff... :-P

# posted by

Anonymous : August 11, 2004 at 10:06 AM

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