and as I stared I counted the webs from all the spiders catching things and eating their insides
like indecision to call you
and hear your voice of treason
will you come home and stop this pain tonight?
stop this pain tonight... - blink 182, "I miss you"

So, today I am very...out of touch with some part of this fragile reality. It started after I voice chatted with Sid, but personally I think it really started yesterday afternoon.

I've really tried to be grown up about some things but darned, I'm 14 years old. Granted I turn 15 in October but still..I shouldn't have to feel like this or deal with things like this. Yet, whom should I blame but myself? I'm always, well think, that I'm ready. When in reality; I have no more business pursuing some things than I'd have to kill some one. I'm basically killing myself here. Slowly; over time. Time after time again I do something that hurts myself. More than anything else ever did.

Well, I voice chatted with Siddharth a bit earlier. -snickers- What an accent.
- snickers even more-
It was bad, I'm sorry but I wanted to laugh sooooo bad. I know you're ganna read this, Sid, so understand I'm making fun of the thick Indian accent and not you, k? Gaawwwwd. And he said mine was rather southern but this is coming from someone who's accent makes half his words blend into a "huiewqiouo;'quibiwyibdyebwjvdjw". o.0 hahaha. I'm sorry, Sid. I think if he talked louder and slower it would have been ok.

I couldn't much talk because I was scared of waking Natalie up. And really I lost all the will to talk about a minute after we started. Natalie did wake up right when Sid was leaving. Dunno if he could hear her but she was trying to tell me I shouldn't be voice chatting, on the internet so early, etc etc etc. I think I'm going to ask her WHEN DID SHE GIVE BIRTH TO ME?! When did she become MY MOTHER. Stupid brat. I LOVE YOU NAT-A-LIE!

I still have the cough but I think I'm basically over walking pheamonia. yay.

Yesterday, I called Dwayne (my online BF from Michigan, BTW) and we talked for a bit. Also had trouble making him out but he just wasn't talking loud enough. He was on earlier but I was trying to do something and missed saying bye...o.o...-feels kinda bad- He's 16 and has a 15 year old brother, whom answered the phone. Which was rather interesting because first Dwayne apparently didn't believe I was REALLY on the phone...his brother is a brat too...go figure...I could hear his brother screaming something like "IS SO!" across the house.

Then when Dwayne did get on the phone they had a little argument about how does he know that I'm hot since he's never seen me...
  ¶ 8:43 AM